


Futile devices

by Invocation



Category: South Park
Genre: Anxiety, Astrology, College, Domestic, Friends to Lovers, House Party, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Melancholy, Night In The Woods Inspired, No Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Stargazing, and there won't be, characters are 19, coming back to your hometown, i think thats important to add
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-10-26 23:11:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20750330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Invocation/pseuds/Invocation
Summary: After a less-than-great first year in college, Stan Marsh returns to South Park for his summer break, after being invited to a reunion party. He's staying with his best friend since childhood, Kyle Broflovsky, who had to quit education for his little brother. Stan wants to rekindle their relationship to what it was when they were younger, but not everything is ment to stay the same.





	1. It's so good to see you!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for giving my story a chance! It's my first ever serious fanfiction, so I hope it's at least decent :D I'm not a native english speaker, but I hope it's not too noticable :p the first chapter is pretty slow, I know, but the next chapter will pick up the pace a bit :D also, can you tell I have a vague idea about what american college life entails? :p

It’s been a year since Stan Marsh saw the snowy road leading to his hometown, and even longer since he really been in it conciously. He was nervously grinding his teeth and looking through the window at snow-covered fields and mountains of rural Colorado. 

But where else would he go? His only other alternative would be his cramp dorm back on the University of Boulder, the very thing he was running away from. The last two years were crazy; everyone in class was studying hard to get to the college of their dreams, while he was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time. The Cows had a great season, and thanks to his good throwing arm were winning pretty much any game they played in. He was spotted by some recruter from University of Boulder’s football team and got offered a scholarship. His parents were so proud.   
Stan smiled at the memory of his parents’ pride and put his hands in the pockets of his jacket. The ricketty bus he chose as his transport (it wasn’t a choice, really. It was the only one he could afford.) wasn’t warmed properly. With each breath, he could see steam appearing, and then disappearing a second after.

While he was packing his bags and loading them in their family minivan, his old classmates were studying for their exams. Back then Stan thought he was the lucky one, already having a guaranteed place to live and money to cover all his expenses, never having to write even one exam. He remembered that the air back then was warm and fresh. It was the start of something new for him. He was going to   
Boulder, far away from the small town of South Park and onto the bigger things in the future.

He choose enviorment studies as his major-it seemed easy enough and he genuenly loved nature, it was a win-win. Sure, being in a new place and a new situation was kinda overwhelming, but he was nevertheless positive, or at least tried to be. He was sure his old classmates struggled with finding their place too. But days passed. Then weeks. And Stan still felt this way. There was really no one he liked in Boulder. Everyone seemed bland, like they were just cardboard cutouts of themselves. He woke up in the morning, attended classes, went to train football, went back to his dorm and slept. Sure, he was invited to a party or two, out of pity he presumed, but that was about it. A month or two after college started, beer cans and bottles started to frequently appear in his tiny fridge and trashcan. He lost count how many times he came hungover or straight-up drunk to classes. So did most other football players, but as long as they sobered up enough to train in the evening, they were given a free pass. Stan assumed (or hoped) that others around him thought he was in that state due to going to some secret crazy parties with some friends that didn’t study on the same University. He didn’t know what he would do if anyone found out.

And thats how his year passed. Alone and drunk. He felt pathetic, and it was gnawing his insides all the time. He didn’t wan’t to reach out to his old friends. He felt that he treated them badly before he left. He wasn’t ignoring them, he honestly just had so much to do in Boulder-signing papers, reconessing the city for stores and fast foods, tons of other mundane work-that he just didn’t have the time and energy. He sometimes had to be there his whole weekends. Not to mention that they were busy studying-Stan thought he was doing them a favor, one, because he wasn’t bothering them, two, he was worried that they’d somehow think that he’s flaunting his scholarship. So he kept to himself this whole year. Untill a week ago, when his phone rang when Stan was crying on his bed. 

Kyle.

Thank god. Almost as if his best friend was reading his mind, he called. At first Stan couldn’t believe it. But there he was, Kyle Broflosky in soundwave. He called because he missed his friend too. After hearing that, Stan almost started to weep again. He couldn’t believe Kyle would miss him. They started to chat about college. Kyle had to put his course on hold, the sorrow over this clear even through phone and Stan’s horrible reception. It had something to do with Ike („He’s fine, he just got a scholarship in Canada, it’s too complicated to explain over the phone”.). Stan started to comfort his friend, but Kyle said it’s ok. He said that he wasn’t the only one in town who came back for one reason or another.   
\- Wait, who’s with you?   
\- Oh, plenty of people. Craig, Tweek, Bebe, Clyde, Wendy…  
\- Wait, Wendy?  
\- Wait, you don’t know? She’s hosting a Reunion party for us to celebrate the first year of all of us finishing highschool. You didn’t get the invite? On facebook?  
\- Oh, dude, it’s been months since I’ve checked any social media-  
\- Livin’ the crazy college life?-Kyle asked with a chuckle  
\- Yeah, the crazy college life of studying and boring training with somehow even more boring people.   
\- Oh come on, you got your tuition almost for free, you can at least give them as much  
\- I know… Wait, I’m checking facebook right now, I got the invite!  
\- Well duh, of course Wendy would invite you  
\- Shut up, dude. Oh man, I’d love to come.  
\- Then why won’t you?  
\- I don’t have anywhere to sleep?   
\- Your parents kicked you out?  
\- Nah, they’re on some kind of „Great american roadtrip”, that was their dream since I remember.  
\- You still have the keys, right? And who’s taking care of Sparky?  
\- Yeah, but Shelly’s home. I’d prefer to not get in her way.  
Now when they were adults Stan and his sister got along better-as in without physical violence. The bar for him was quite low, what can he say. He still preferred to avoid her whenever he could.   
\- Ah, gotcha. Hey, why won’t you sleep at my place? I’m alone too, Ike and my parents are in Canada. You can stay here the whole summer if you don’t have a better place to be.  
\- How do you know I don’t?  
\- You wouldn’t be so excited for a silly highschool Reunion.  
Stan’s stomach sank. He felt like Kyle could see through him even through the phone. That he knew something about him that Stan didn’t know about himself.  
\- Would you really adopt me for the whole summer?-Stan couldn’t believe his ears  
\- Of course dude. South Park is still just as boring as it used to before you left. And well..-Kyle chuckled- I just want to spend some time with my best friend.  
Stan’s throat tightened.  
\- Well, I guess you leave me no choice. I’ll spend my first summer vacation away from home… back at home.  
\- Great! So it’s settled. When are you coming over?  
\- Saturday in two weeks. You cool with that?  
\- Seems good. See you soon!  
\- See ya…- His voice shook.  
Kyle disconnected.   
Stan fell back onto his bed, arm over his eyes and a goofy grin on his face. He was trying his best to surpress a laugh. Tears ran down his cheeks, making his cheap and uncomfortable pillow wet. 

And here he was now. In an old bus that jumped on every single badly paved segment of the road, on his way to the hometown he wanted to leave since he remembered. Stan decided to look behind himself to check out the other passangers. Nothing was better for killing time than some good old fashioned people watching. There was a guy wearing headphones, staring out the window into the vast, snowy landscape. His eyes were closing by themselves, but would shoot open any time the bus would jump. Stan felt strange sympathy towards him. There was also an old woman who didn’t seem to be bothered by the rocking, snoozing away. Stan was worried that she was dead, but she would snore every now and again.   
All right, he has to keep his mind busy by something else. His therapist, from back when he was in middle school, told him that a good way of grounding yourself in time of stress is just to look around,   
and notice the things he was surrounded by. He placed his hand on the empty seat next to him. It was soft, like the fleece jacket he wore all the time in colle-

No. 

„No thinking about college. You’re on vacations, you don’t need to stress yourself more by thinking about that place.” In the corner of his eye, Stan noticed that the bus was passing next to a giant old building. He quickly caught the sign above the entry. „Hell’s pass hospital”.   
So they were getting close. Stan felt his stomach knot. He exhaled through his mouth, just like his therapist told him. He leaned his head on the seat, looking up at the celling. He streached his leg s too, gently nudging his rolling bag on the floor. His eyes were met by the silver, foil-like texture. He supposed it was something they put up to make the bus warmer. Despite their efforts, Stan was still freezing his ass off, even when wearing the thickest clothes he owned. Was it always that cold here? Did he just forget? Boulder wasn’t that much warmer, was it?   
He sighed. It was hopeless. He will be stressing over everything untill arrival. He was both happy and angry at himself for not asking Kyle to get him at the stop. They decided it would be better if Kyle stayed home and prepare himself for the party, and Stan would come to his house when he arrived. Buses were a finicky thing, and just because it was suposed to show up at one time, it would frequently be late, so there was no reason for Kyle to freeze his ass off. Stan didn’t have that much luggage, a gym bag, a small backpack and a rolling bag, he could manage by himself. South Park didn’t change a lot according to Kyle, so it’s not like Stan will get lost.

Kyle… Stan missed him so much. They still spend a lot of time togther in middle and high school, but started to drift away in the last year. Stan didn’t even know what Kyle wanted to study in the future. He was so anxious since he was invited. Would Kyle be mad at him for not staying in touch? What happened to his University career? Did he change a lot? But the worry that tormented Stan since that call was that they simply grew apart too much and have nothing in common, other than a childhood filled with shared memories. What if Kyle was a completely different person than two years ago?  
The sudden stop of the bus yanked him out of his spiral of anxiety. 

\- We arrived in South Park, hop off!- The driver shouted down the rows of seats.  
Oh no. No no no no no. They’re here? Already?! This can’t be it! That was way too fast! Stan looked out the window. He saw the siluette of a small town surronded by mountains, bathed in light from the twilight sky. On the right, near the bus stop, was a wooden sign, „South Park” written on it with faded paint. Stan’s throat tightened.  
\- Come on, get out, I don’t have the whole night, I know you bought a ticket you little shit!  
Stan came into his senses, at least enough to pull his favorite blue hat with a red pom pom on his temples, throw his backpack on his shoulders, put the sportbag on his shoulders and, pulling the rolling bag behind him, stumbled towards the exit. The driver glared at him with contempt that really wasn’t worth it. Stan decided getting into a fight just wasn’t worth his energy, so he hopped out of the vehicle, snow creaking under his boots. The door closed behind him, and the bus drove off, vanishing into the horizon.   
No turning back now.  
Stan sighed, inhaling the evening air. It was fresh and cool. So cool in fact, that Stan could already tell his throat will hurt tomorrow. He turned towards the town in the distance and started walking.  
~~  
He walked through the suburbs, with the monotone sound of rubber wheels on the pavement as his only companion. The streets and front yards were empty, almost abandoned. If not for the snowed off driveways and light in every other window, Stan would feel like he stumbled into a ghost town. The sky over his head was clear and dotted with stars on the Purple sky. It felt so surreal to be here. Almost nothing changed. This city was still the same as he remembered. He was so busy marveling at the constancy of the town he almost didn’t noticed he wandered onto the main street. He remembered all the signs, now worned out by weather, but still recognisable. He looked at his reflections in all the windows, remembering how tasty the ice cream here were. How he bought toys in the next one. How his mom dragged him to the shoe store across the street to buy him a new pair and how much he hated that.   
Despite having his head in the clouds, Stan’s subconcious kept track of his way. He was getting closer and closer to Kyle’s house. With every step the tension in him kept rising, despite evaporating when he was so focused on the memories. He gripped the handle of the rolling bag and balled his second hand into a fist in his pocket. Every cell in his body screamed to run away, but he didn’t listen. He was finally on the street where he and Kyle lived since they were born. Two houses, dark green and khaki, standing right next to each other since he remembered. He was so tempted to just go into his own and cower in his room, but that wasn’t an option. His therapist told him that a key method of beating anxiety was to not listen to your fears, and not allowing them to rule over you. He said a lot of dumb shit too, but that was an advice Stan took to his heart. It worked, most of the time at least. Stan gritted his teeth and walked up to the doors of Kyle’s house. He got up the stairs, the rolling bag hitting the edge of the steps. He sighed one last time. He lifted his hand up to the doorbell buton and pressed it.

Nothing.

Did Kyle forget about him coming over? No, he wouldn’t, right? His car was still in the driveway and there were lights on inside the house. Maybe he went on foot? That’s unlike him. Maybe he just didn’t hear? Stan pressed the buton again.

\- I’m coming!- a muffled voice called out from inside the house.

Oh no. He was home. Stan felt his heart drop into in stomach. Thats his last chance to chicken out. No, that’s stupid, that would make him look so stu-  
The knob turned, and the door opened with a creak.

Vis-a-vis him was Kyle Broflovsky himself. With a sharp jawline, round cheeks and a mess of orange curls on his head, it couldn’t be anyone else on the planet. His green eyes twinkled at his sight. 

\- Stan!- He called out gleefully. 

Stan’s voice died in his throat. Kyle immidietly wrapped his arms around his friend’s chest and put his chin on his shoulder. Stan did the same with his trembling hands. He couldn’t believe he was holding Kyle in his arms. When was the last time? When they graduated middle school, probably, he thought. For these brief few seconds his mind stopped its racing and settled down. He couldn’t think coherently, he only felt a wave of comforting joy and peace. The world melted away, together with his worries. The only tangible thing was Kyle’s warm hands on his back, his hair tickling his nose and the smell of his peppermint shower gel in his nose.  
But alas, everything has to end. Kyle started to gently slip out of Stan’s grasp. Stan loosened up his grip. Kyle took a step back, and looked at him with unashamed glee. He couldn’t keep himself from smiling.

\- It’s so good to see you!- Kyle said, his voice high.

Stan felt tears roll down his cheeks. He couldn’t agree more.


	2. As ready as I'll ever be

\- Aww, dude!- Kyle cooed

\- Shut up dude- Stan huffed, wiping his cheeks with his sleeve- I’m just happy to see you

\- I know, I’m just fucking with you. Come on in!- Kyle turned on his heels and went towards the kitchen.

Stan went into the house, eagar to get out of the cold. The only thing brightening up the room was the tv, light flickering on and off on the green couch, probably older than both of them. Frames still hung on the wall in the same places, tv screen blinking in the glass. He closed the door and whiped his shoes on the mat. He followed Kyle into the kitchen. 

\- You want something to drink? I have a really great tea, with hibiscus flowers.- Kyle asked, looking through the mugs in a cupboard.

\- No, thanks.- Stan answered, despite thinking that something warm would be lovely. He wanted to get this party over with as fast as he can. - Do we even have time for this?

\- We don’t have to get there perfectly to the minute. I’m not ready yet anyway.

Kyle took out a white mug with different colored polka dots. He opened a drawer and pulled out a tea infuser. He reached up and grabbed a red tin can from a shelf. The proces was so meticulus, and for whatever reason, Stan couldn’t take his eyes off of Kyle’s hands, how dextrous he was. He felt like he was a witness to an intimate, almost religious ceremony. The brewmaster turned on the kettle with a click. The water started to boil with a quiet, comforting bubbling sound. They sat like this, in this dimly lit kitchen, in silence. There’s something about the sound of running water that can put your mind   
at ease. Stan felt his jaw unclench for the first time since the morning. 

\- You ok dude?- Kyle broke the silence. He was scooping tea out of the can with the infuser.

Stan opened his eyes. He didn’t realise he was holding them closed.

\- Y-yeah!- he answered, slightly embarassed.

\- You seem kinda stressed. Did something happen, do you not want to go?- Kyle threw the infuser into the mug with a „clank” sound. 

\- No, it’s fine! You don’t have to go all mother hen on me.- Stan said with a chuckle. He hoped Kyle won’t take this as an attack. Getting into a fight today wasn’t on his today’s list of priorities. 

\- I don’t mean it right now, I mean in general.- Kyle frowned.

Stan sighed.

\- It’s fine, I promise. I’m just a tired from college. What a shitshow.

Kyle smiled. The answer seemed to satisfy him, at least for now. The kettle ticked. Kyle poured hot water into the mug, steam rising. 

\- Okay, I actually need to prepare myself.- Kyle laughed, passing his friend in the doorway and going towards the staircase.

\- About time!- Stan called after him in mock anger.

\- Come upstairs before you pop a vein!- Kyle shouted from his room. 

Stan rolled his eyes, despite smiling. He went towards the staircase, passing the old menorah on the shelf. Stan always wondered if this is some sort of an old family heirloom, that was in Kyle’s family for generations. He always wanted to ask, but never really found an ocasion. He went up the creaking stairs. Were they always so noisy?  
The hallway looked the same as it always did. He looked at the cluster of photos on the wall. Many of them were the same, but there was a few new ones. One featured Ike with some kind of a diploma, another was Kyle with his parents, proudly presenting his high school graduation diploma, next one was Kyle, Ike, and his teary-eyed mother in front of Denver University’s main building. Stan turned away from the pictures and turned towards Kyle’s room. He was standing in front of his closet, his hand on his chin, eyebrows furrowed. He already changed the sweatpants he was wearing when greeting Stan into fitted, washed blue jeans, but was still wearing the white sleeveless shirt. Stan went into the room and sat down on the bed. Kyle didn’t seem to notice.

\- Too many options?

\- Actually, I’ve managed to narrow it down to two choices.- Kyle still didn’t look at Stan.- I’m not sure what kind of vibe im going for. 

\- Vibe?- Stan snorted- Kyle, you’ve known these people your whole life. Even if you’d like to give off a different „vibe”, I don’t think you’re gonna fool anybody. 

\- Maybe you’re right.- Kyle sighed

Stan noticed the sudden change in his friend’s voice. Did he say something wrong? But what? He honestly didn’t know what could it be.   
He snaped out of his thoughts when he noticed Kyle was putting on a grey Colorado Buffaloes t-shirt and a red flannel shirt. 

\- You look nice.- Stan said, bashfully. 

\- Thanks.- Kyle smiled. That was really all Stan wanted.- You ready to go?

\- Yeah, I came here ready.- Stan huffed, standing up from the bed. 

\- Okay, I get it- Kyle said with mock annoyance. 

They went down the stairs. Stan was heading towards the door, but after a few steps he noticed that Kyle wasn’t following him. He stopped and turned around. Kyle was standing with his arms crossed. Stan could see Kyle’s smug expression in the moonlight falling into the house through the window. 

\- I still have my tea to drink.- Kyle said, shrugging and turning towards the kitchen. 

Stan groaned and went after him. He wasn’t really mad, he wasn’t the hot-headed type. It was just obvious Kyle was fucking with him. He just wanted to get to the party, he was anxious about it enough.   
They both leaned against the counters, when Kyle picked up his mug and started to drink. Stan was standing so close he could smell the drink’s subtle, flowery smell. Kyle opened his eyes and glanced at his friend, eyes half lidded. He took the cup away from his mouth.

\- I told you I can make you some too.- Kyle said smugly.

Stan looked away, embarassed. 

\- You can have the rest- Kyle offered him his mug.

\- Dude, it’s your tea, you don’t have to-

\- You’re my guest. I see that you want it, you can have it.

Stan reached and grabbed the cup.

\- Oh wow, I’m so honored. I can’t believe I’m offered a half-drinked tea, what a day.- Stan said, putting the mug to his lips. 

\- Shut up, you jackass- Kyle laughed

Stan tipped the mug and drank the tea. It was warm and tasted just as flowery as it smelled. 

\- Did you like it?- Kyle asked, excitement in his voice.

\- Yeah, it’s really tasty.- Stan placed the cup on the counter.- Did you make the, uhhh, blend?

\- I actually did.- Kyle smiled- I mean, I came up with the blend and ordered it online. There’s no tea shops in here, you can’t just make your own by yourself. 

\- I never pegged you as a tea fanatic- Stan said.

\- I got into it when I was in college. My roommate, Chris used to make his own blends, he shared some with me and I was hooked.

\- Are you sure we’re talking about tea?- Stan asked, eyebrows raised.

\- Shut up- Kyle chuckled- I like how personable you can make it, and how it tastes differently. Coffee is just the same bitter shit to me, and it makes me jittery. Tea is much better. 

Kyle looked at a clock hanging on the wall. 

\- All right, time to go to the party- He said, standing back up.

\- Oh thank god- Stan jumped to his feet and went towards the doorframe.

\- Oh, so you’re in such hurry, but you had no problems with stopping to drink some of my tea?- Kyle snarked.

\- I never turn down free stuff, you know that about me.- Stan answered.

They went towards the door again, Stan first, Kyle a few steps behind him. Stan put his hand on the knob and turned it-

\- Wait!- Kyle shouted.- I need to get something from the bathroom!- He ran towards the stairs and started to climb up, two or three steps at once.

\- Oh come on!- Stan moaned- Can’t we just go without it?!

\- No!- Kyle shouted.

Stan rolled his eyes. In a few seconds Kyle was running down the stairs, the creaking making a terrible racket. He looked exactly the same, except he was wearing a green ushanka on his head.

\- Dude, is this exactly the same hat you’ve been wearing since you were born?- Stan snorted.

\- No it’s not, it’s clearly different!- Kyle took it off his head and threw it to his friend.

Stan caught it. He supposed years of football and video games had to pay off somehow. He started to turn it around in his hands, with only the moonlight to help him notice any fine details. The hat was indeed somewhat different- it was lined with white, wool-like fabric, including the inside of the ear flaps. The same material was used on a wide strip on the front of the headpiece. The rest was made with dark green textile with a tartan pattern.

\- See? It’s different!- Kyle huffed and grabbed the hat from Stan’s hands. He put it on his head again, brushing up any disobedient red strands back.

\- Dude, it’s almost the same.- Stan smirked.

Kyle didn’t say anything.

\- I-I like it though!- Stan stuttered, trying to cheer Kyle up.- Why fix something that isn’t broken, right?

Kyle chuckled.

\- Right.

Stan smiled, clearly seeing Kyle’s expression in his mind, going from a frown to a begrudging happiness, despite his friend being shrouded in darkness. Kyle turned off the tv, taking away the last sign of life from the house, leaving it eerily quiet. He put on his winter boots and took the car key from the small coffe table near the door. Stan gave himself a passing look in the mirror hanging above it, but only saw his silhouette. They left the house, Kyle locking the door behind him. He turned towards Stan. 

\- You ready to see everyone back again?- Kyle asked, his voice clearly trying to give Stan some confidence. 

\- As ready as I’ll ever be.- Stan answered truthfully, looking into Kyle’s eyes.

Kyle smiled back, turned, and went down the steps towards the car, Stan going after him. In the middle of the path leading from the sidewalk to the Broflosky’s house Stan stopped, giving the house a last look. It looked abandoned, like nobody lived there for a long time, despite them leaving maybe a minute ago. 

\- Are you coming or not?- Kyle called out, standing next to the car, driver’s door opened. He was staring at his friend. 

Stan snapped out of his thoughts, turned around and ran towards Kyle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what started as an intro to a chapter mutated into a separate chapter in itself, what a surprise. I PROMISE next chapter will include more characters and the action will pick up a bit. Keyword being "a bit"


	3. Do you feel better?

\- Sooo… You know anything about the party?- Stan asked, absentmindedly staring up at the streetlights reflecting in the windshield. One would come, then go, only to be replaced by another, identical one.

\- Well, Wendy’s hosting it, that’s for sure.- Kyle answered, focused on the road. It was empty, but Kyle was always an exceptionally careful and safe driver.

\- I know as much too, thanks.- Stan squinted, still staring at the light reflecting on the glass.

\- Anytime.- Kyle said cheerfully.

\- I’m serious though. Any idea who’s coming?

\- Hmmm… Tweek didn’t go to any college I think, maybe him? Craig too.

\- Kenny?- Stan asked with hope in his voice. Other than Kyle and Wendy, Kenny was the only other person he really hoped to see.

\- Maybe? He lives in Denver now, but he has to work like, three shifts, so I’m not sure.

\- What? How did he end up in Denver?- Stan turned his face to Kyle. His friend’s eyes stayed on the road.

\- His parents were busted for meth in the last year of highschool-

\- Oh thank god, finally.- Stan rolled his eyes.

-And he had to drop out. He was moved with his siblings to some new goverment housing project in Denver.

\- Man…- Stan turned away from Kyle and looked at his feet- Poor Kenny… 

\- Yeah…- Kyle sighed.- But he’s doing okay I think. Relativly, of course.

\- That’s good.- Stan said, still looking down.

They took a turn in silence.

\- Is Cartman coming?- Stan asked.

\- I don’t think Wendy would invite him- Kyle answered, his face in a grimace Stan could see in the yellow light of the streetlight.

\- Juvie?- Stan asked.

\- I wish!- Kyle chuckled.- Nah, he just moved to some family to Ohio or something. I think his mom just didn’t have enough money to keep the house. 

\- That’s not too bad.- Stan admitted- I pictured him having a much worse future.

\- I know, right? Life is unfair sometimes.- Kyle said bitterly.- But hey, he gets to live far away from me, and I get to enjoy a party without being called slurs.

\- Living the dream?- Stan smirked.

\- You bet!- Kyle said with confidence.

A flashing light in the corner of his eye caught Stan’s attention. He turned his head to his window, and saw a drab green house, almost identical to the one he left a few moments ago. There was light on in the windows at the first floor, while the bottom one, the one where the living room would be was constantly changing, from darkness to purple. Wait, that was-

\- We’re here!- Kyle said cheerfuly and begun to park on the curb.

What? So soon? Stan’s jaw clenched.

\- Already?!- His voice high and a bit louder than he intended.

Kyle turned the key, the engine going quiet, leaving only the two of them in silence.

\- Yes? This town is tiny.- Kyle answered, quizzical look on his face.- Are you ok?

Stan squeezed his knees with his palms, wanting to feel the rough texture of his jeans. 

\- I… I just…- He couldn’t find the right words, his brain felt like static on tv.- I’m afraid everyone will think im a dick.

\- What?- Kyle tried to stay serious, but couldn’t, and his voice cracked with laughter.- Why would anyone think you’re a dick?

\- Because I didn’t stay in contact! They’re gonna think I’m thinking I’m too good for them!- Stan kept descending into fear, his tone louder and louder- That I don’t care about them! That I’m a shitty   
friend! That I hate them!

They sat there in silence for a moment, sans Stan’s hyperventilating. He was looking down, while Kyle kept looking at him.

\- I’m…- Stan gave up first- I’m sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn’t have,-

He felt the warm weight of Kyle’s hand on his shoulder. He lifted his head, meeting his friend’s green irises and wide pupils. 

\- Stan, nobody is going to think you’re a dick. Or that you’re a shitty friend. You’re a great friend. I promise you that.- A warm smile tugged on the corners of his lips. Stan felt his heart flutter.- It’s a reunion party with people who you knew since you were born. You don’t have to prove anything to them. 

Stan sniffled, a shy smile forming on his lips. 

\- Besides, you think you’re the only one who was busy with school? That’s why Wendy organised this thing. 

\- I… I guess you’re right- Stan wiped his damp eyes with the back of his palm.

\- Do you feel better?

\- Yeah… I think I do. Thank you Kyle. I’m sorry I’m such a mess.- Stan looked down, embarassed.

\- It’s fine. I promise.- Kyle’s voice strong and sure.- You don’t even have to stay long. You can go home whenever you want.

\- Ok…- Stan’s breath was now even.

\- So? You ready to go?- Kyle asked softly.

\- Yes. Let’s go.- Stan answered, gathering the courage to lift his head and look at his friend. Kyle’s eyes were gentle and patient. 

Ugh. 

He wanted to puke. He didn’t deserve this. He still smiled weakly, to show gratitude to Kyle.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached to open the door-

\- Wait!- Kyle called out.

Stan turned his head to the driver’s seat. 

\- Stan, can I… can I ask you for something?- Kyle was avoiding his gaze.

\- Sure…?- Stan’s eyebrow lifted.

\- Can you, uhhhhh… Can you… Fuck, this is difficult.- Kyle lifted his palm to his face, covering his eyes and sighed.- Can you please not drink tonight?- He pulled his palm down, eyes piercing through Stan.

Stan’s eyes widened.

\- I mean, you’re gonna do whatever you want, you’re an adult, it’s just…- Kyle’s eyes were searching for something that wasn’t there.- I know you can go… a bit… overboard… with it.

Stan couldn’t believe his ears. 

\- It’s just… fuck man, I’m just worried about you. I don’t want you to get shitfaced and do something stupid, you know? O-or hurt yourself!- Kyle’s voice kept rising.

Stan looked down. Kyle knew about his… issues, with alcohol, he was aware. It was hard to not feel at least a little hurt at the implication that he couldn’t control himself. That Kyle didn’t trust him to control himself. But he was right. If Stan started to drink, he would probably end up embarrassing himself sooner than later. He didn’t want to start off his summer like this. Not akwardly. Not covered in vomit.

Not with disappointing Kyle.

\- I don’t want to treat you like a kid, I’m sorry if I come off like that… I’m just looking out for you-

\- I know.- Stan looked into Kyle’s eyes again.- I won’t drink today. I promise.

Kyle smiled, visibly relaxing.

\- Really?- Kyle’s voice was filled with joy.- Thank you Stan. It means a lot. Really.

Stan felt warmth pool in his chest.

\- All right, enough with the sentimentality. You ready to get this party started?- Kyle asked, eyes twinkling in the streetlamp light. 

\- Yes. Let’s get this over with.- Stan said with a monotonne voice, despite his lips curling up.

\- Careful not to tire yourself out with all that enthusiasm dude.- Kyle rolled his eyes, despite a grin plastered on his face. 

They left the car and went towards the door. They could hear the music, muffled by the walls. 

\- You think someone’s gonna hear the doorbell?- Stan asked, mesmerised by the flashing light in the windows. It made him feel like he was up in Canada, staring up at the northern lights. 

\- We can always break the window. That would make everyone remeber that party for a looooong time.- Kyle chuckled.- „Hey, remember when Kyle and Stan broke through the window and we had to take them to the ER, and we got busted for drinking alcohol? That was nuts!”

Both of them laughed, Stan feeling more of the tension evaporating from his body. Kyle rang the bell.

Nobody answered. 

They looked at eachother in silence. Kyle shrugged and lifted his hand to press the buton again-

The door opened before he even touched it. The music and warmth blasted through the doorframe, causing Stan to flinch. 

\- Oh my gaaaaaawd!- The loud female voice greeted them.- Kyle! Stan! It’s soooooo good to see youuuuuuu!

It was Red. She went to hug Kyle, causing him to stumble back, and akwardly wrapped her arms around him. She then went to Stan, clinging to him. He could smell the alcohol off of her, which would explain her behavior. At least somewhat. She backed off from the both of them, almost tripping on her heels.

\- Come on innnn!

She turned around, almost falling onto a wall and beckoning them with her hand. 

Stan swallowed, to quell his nerves, and followed Red with Kyle. 

This was gonna be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, can't be trusted with writing anything brief huh? 
> 
> Also, my university just started so I won't have as much time to write, but I will continue, don't worry ;)


	4. Isn't it romantic?

Stan had to admit, the warmth of the house was nice, despite the stinging in his cheeks it was causing. Red stumbled back into the living room, the new guests losing her from their sights. They took off their jackets, Stan hanging his on one of the hooks, right next to Kyle’s. They caught eachother’s eyes- Kyle was smiling reassuringly, trying his best to comfort his friend. 

Stan didn’t wasn’t sure why his cheeks were stinging anymore.

He smiled weakly as a response. They both went towards the living room, the source of all the sound. They could feel the ground shake from the music, at least Stan hoped it was due to that.   
The area was dark, save for the party lights on the table, and moonlight falling in through the windows. Above the couch, in the place where the photo of Wendy and her parents hung, was a banner with „The first reunion of the best class of South Park high school!!!” written on it with thick, even letters. There were balloons, some very deflated, and streamers stuck to the walls and stairs’ railings. The room was packed with people, their silhouettes in every corner, sitting on the stairs, or just standing around. 

\- I’m gonna go check the kitchen! If you’ll want anything!- Kyle tried to yell over the music, leaving towards the only room that was lit. 

\- Ok! I’ll see you later!- Stan answered, but was unsure if his friend heard him.

Suddenly, Stan felt a crushing weight pushing him to the ground. He reacted quick, pushing his right foot along the carpet, to prop himself up. He looked at Kyle, who was smirking at him from the middle of the room. 

\- Staaaan, my maaaan!- It was, unmistakeably, Clyde. His breath reeked of alcohol.- I missed you soooo much you old dog!

\- Clyde, you dumbass! We both almost fell and broke our noses!- Stan hissed and gathered his strenght, pushing Clyde back, causing him to stumble into a wall. Stan turned around and saw Clyde, staring   
at him with watery eyes.

\- ‘m sorry Stan, I was just soooo happy to see you…!

Clyde was the only other student in South Park high who was offered a football scholarship. The only reason Stan knew about it was because Clyde would strut around the school, proud as a peacock, and talk about it on any given ocassion. 

\- You got a scholarship too, right?! What University?!- Stan asked. He was sure Clyde said that before, but he really didn’t care enough to remember.

\- Arizona State Sun Devils! Wooooo!- Clyde threw his fist into the air, and stumbled back into a wall.

Stan now noticed that his wasted conversation partner was wearing a varsity jacket with a yellow trident on his breast. 

\- I hope you’re ready to have your ass kicked by usss!- Clyde gloated.

\- Yeah, sure! Just remember that booze makes people overconfident!- Stan smirked.

\- Ahahaha! Stan, you jokesterrrr!- Clyde stepped forward, threatning to lose his balance.- But I don’t want t’ pick fights t’day…-

\- You started it though!- Stan noticed

\- I did?! Aw, fuck! Whatever!- Clyde laughed jovially, standing next to Stan, and throwing his arm around his shoulders. He was a few inches taller than Stan and quite muscular, so he threatend to topple him again.- So tell me Stanley, how’s that college life treatin’ you?

Stan’s throat tightened. Was he stupid? He knew that’s what most conversations will be centered on. He should’ve expected questions like these. Fuck it. He didn’t owe people the truth. Especially not Clyde. ESPECIALLY not when he was shitfaced. 

\- Oh, you know, it’s crazy. The parties, the girls, the, umm…- He hoped that Clyde won’t notice his obvious bluff. Who was he kidding, Clyde wouldn’t know subtlety if it hit him in the head.- Look, have you seen Wendy?

\- Wendy? Aww, whaat, you missed her? How sweeet!- Clyde cooed, clumsily poking Stan’s cheek with his finger.- You two were always jus’… adorable…

\- No dude, I just want to talk to her.- He gently pushed Clyde away, his limp arm sliding off his shoulders. 

\- I think she should be at the couch- Clyde weakly lifted his arm and pointed at a black rectangle under the wall, with a few people crouded around it.

\- Thanks man, have a nice party.- Stan was desperate to cut the conversation as fast as he can. He started to creep toward the main room, away from Clyde.

\- No problem man, s’ya later!- The drunk footballer waved to the sober one.

Stan didn’t look back. He really was an asshole, huh? It’s not like he hated Clyde, sure, he could be a bit proud and cocky, but he wasn’t a bad guy. He just didn’t feel like indulging a drunk dork, that’s it. He could comfort himself with the knowledge that Clyde’s memory of their chat will be blurry at worst, and non-existant at best. That, and that his friend probably didn’t even notice his nerves, most people didn’t. He slowly approached the couch, and took a deep breath. He exhaled through the mouth, and started to squeeze through the people standing near it. His heart was pounding in his chest from all the adrenaline, he was both excited and terrified of seeing Wendy. He finally made it through the crowd, and saw two girls, lounging on the couch that was, apparently, actually a sofa bed. It was stretched out, allowing them to lie down and expand their legs. The one sitting closer to him had her head turned from him, chatting and laughing with someone standing near who Stan didn’t recognise. Her conversation partner noticed Stan and lifted his eyes at him, the girl turning around to look what was so interesting. Stan had no more doubts.

It was Wendy.

\- Stan!- she exclaimed with pure joy in her eyes.

She was still wearing the same hat as years ago. Her black hair was kept in a short, boyish cut. Dressed in a jean jacket, loose fitting t-shirt, jeans and pink converse, she looked so different than the last time he saw her, but it was undeniably the same girl.

She started to scramble to get off the sofa bed, almost causing it to colapse. When she got off, she trotted to Stan and practically jumped to wrap her arms around his shoulders. Stan lifted his shaking arms to reciprocate the affection. Her body was so warm, and her scent so comforting. He had no clue why she intimidated him so much since they were kids, but he knew this wasn’t the kind of intimidation based in fear. He has always admired her drive, feistyness, strong moral compass and inteligence. He suposed he never knew why she would be his friend, so he always expected there to be a trap. He tried to ignore it, but it was always there, buzzing in the background like an annoying fly when you’re just trying to enjoy yourself with a friend.   
Wendy took a step back, Stan only now noticing that she had to stand on the tips of her fingers to reach his neck. 

\- I’m so happy to see you! I honestly thought you wouldn’t come!- She tried to speak over the music, but he can hear slight sadness in her voice despite it. 

\- Of course! I’m always happy to see you!- Stan tried to sound soft and sincere, the blaring noise not making it any easier.

\- Let’s sit down!- Wendy grabbed his forearm and started to pull him to the sofabed. 

Stan let himself be dragged. Wendy plopped down onto the couch and crawled to the headrest, Stan following next to her. She patted the spot next to her, her friend crawling to where she pointed. Wendy stretched out her legs, Stan following her example.   
This was nice. Stan was on his feet, stressing out the whole day. It was nice to just lie back, close his eyes and relax. The noise and the crowd were making it quite difficult, but hey, he’ll take what he can get. 

\- Don’t fall asleep on me, Sleeping Beauty! The party has only begun!- Wendy gently shook his shoulder.

\- ‘m just resting my eyes!- Stan murmured.

They were trying to date since they were kids, but it would just never work for one reason or another. Ultimately, around the start of middle school, they gave up on that idea altogether. They still stayed in friendly relations. Stan always thought of Wendy as his second best friend, together with Kyle. She was always more understanding and emotionally inteligent than him. Stan was just so grateful to have her in his life. 

\- We put up this thing for lounging at the start of the party, and as a place to put all the drunks later, so that nobody would trip over! Not for taking catnaps!- Wendy laughed.

\- „We”?- Stan asked. He immidietly realised that he could come off as jealous and wanted to punch himself.

\- Bebe helped.- Wendy pointed with her head to the girl next to her. She was too busy scrolling on her phone to notice them.

\- Oh.- Stan was just happy she didn’t seem to think much about his earlier question. Or at least she was good at pretending.

\- So… you took that scholarship, right? What University was it…?- Wendy beconed. 

\- Boulder.

\- Ooooh! That’s pretty close! I guess it makes sense, that you could come on the last minute I mean. Did you know Clyde had to come here from Arizona?

\- Yeah, he manager to brag the moment I came here.- Stan sighed.

\- Figures…- Wendy rolled her eyes.- I expect him to fall onto the floor, bawling his eyes out for a reason only he knows before 2am.

\- Yeah…- Stan chuckled.- And where did you go to? Ivy league?

\- I think you’re overestimating me.- Wendy smiled, embarassed but glad that Stan thought of her that highly.- No, I went to the University of Colorado. It’s pretty cool.

\- And what did you choose to study?- Stan asked, feeling guilt squeezing his throat. He should’ve known this.

\- I’m gonna be a lawyer.- Wendy said with pride.

\- Figures.- Stan teased playfully.- But that suits you. I bet you’re gonna rule the courtroom.

\- Thanks, you’re too sweet.- Wendy cooed.

\- And the college life in general?- Stan kept probing.

\- It’s fine, just… busy I guess. But that’s of my own wish.- Wendy sighed, her shoulders sagging.- I have the studies, I’m the part of the debate club, I’m in the cheerleading squad, I’m in the student council…

\- Jesus! I’m tired just hearing about it!- Stan squawked.

\- And I do activism too.- Wendy sunk deeper into the pillows.- On one hand I wish I didn’t do as much and had more free time, but on the other, I know I’d just feel restless if I didn’t do all that. I’d feel like there are people out there who need me, and I’d just be selfish if I wanted some free time…

\- H… hey…- Stan reached out and put his hand on the girl’s shoulder.- You’re doing your best. That’s what matters.

He always wished he had the way with words she or Kyle had. His attempts at comforting people always felt to him like he was trivialising their problems, or didn’t understand what they were going through.

\- I don’t know why I’m so sappy today.- She lifted her hand to rub her eyes.- I guess it’s the booze. 

\- How much did you drink?

\- One beer, I think I’m just a lightweight. Didn’t have time to practise.- She chuckled.

\- I don’t think you’ve missed much.- Stan smiled.- Besides, its not like you didn’t go wild at least somewhat.- He looked at her hair.

\- Oh please.- Wendy winded a small lock of her hair around her finger.- I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. It wasn’t influenced by the college debauchery.

\- I like it. Makes you look even more like a person you shouldn’t fuck with.- He smirked.

\- Oh yeah? Do I look like a badass lady lawyer?

\- Of course. You always did, the hair just makes it seem more obvious.

Wendy laughed, honestly and carefree. Stan suddenly felt so much lighter. Maybe he wasn’t that terrible in easing others’ worries as he thought. 

\- So… what are your plans for the summer? Stuck in here?- Stan asked.

\- No, I’m actually here only for the weekend. Then I’m going with Bebe to California, to her boyfriend.- Wendy smiled.- You?

\- I’m staying here with Kyle. 

\- Oh my god, that’s so nice of him to invite you!- Wendy practically jumped on the couch.- Than again, I can’t say I’m suprised, he’s been alone in that house for about… three months already? No wonder he’d want some company.

\- How do you know it was three months?- Stan quirked his eyebrow.

\- We went to the same college! The whole basketball team and the cheerleaders threw him a goodbye party, I was one of the guests!- She exclaimed.

So Kyle was in a basketball team? Figures.

\- Do you know what he studied? I, uhh, I didn’t ask him…- Stan looked down in embarassment.

\- Nothing related to law, that’s for sure. I only really saw him around the campus, and on trainings. We haven’t really talked, other than saying „hi” when we passed eachother in the halls.- Wendy shrugged apologetically.

Stan couldn’t say he was suprised that Kyle didn’t choose law. Since high school he’s been talking about wanting to distance himself from his father, and it would probably involve a different profession.  
He started to look around the room, trying to find any other familiar faces. The darkness wasn’t making it any easier, making everyone look almost the same. 

\- Do you know if Kenny made it here?- Stan asked, still scanning the other guests.

\- No, he couldn’t come.- Wendy said, saddened.- He send me a message that he had to work a nightshift at Wendy’s. He wished us a good evening though. 

\- He could’ve come here and tell his boss he was on a nightshift at Wendy’s.- Stan said, absentmindedly.

Wendy just laughed, Stan couldn’t help but smile too.

In the corner of his eye, Stan caught a glimpse of a familiar looking blue hat with a yellow pom pom. Craig! He was standing facing away from him, tut that was undoubtedly Craig Tucker. There was a shorter person, with messy blonde hair standing next to him. Tweek? Stan’s eyes went lower and lower. He felt a jolt going through him when he noticed that Craig’s arm was wrapped around Tweek’s waist. 

\- Are those Tweek and Craig?- He leaned over closer to Wendy, gesturing his head towards them. 

\- Yeah, that’s them.-Wendy confirmed his suspicions.- I’ve heard that Craig stayed behind and didn’t go to college to stay with Tweek and help him with his parents’ coffe shop he inherited. Isn’t that romantic?

For some reason he couldn’t take his eyes off of these two. He knew they were a couple, he saw them holding hands almost every day when they went to school together, and this wasn’t that different. But his eyes were glued to them. He knew it was rude to stare, and he hoped nobody would notice, but he just couldn’t help himself. 

\- Wendy! Wendy!- A female voice snapped him out of the trance. 

Both of them looked towards the person calling out. A girl in pigtails was running towards them, a worried expression on her face. Nichole. 

\- Wendy, we need your help. The pizza guy is here, but since you put Red on door duty-

Wendy groaned, expecting what Nichole is gonna say next.

\- Now he thinks that we’ve ordered the pizza as a prank call and that we won’t pay! He isn’t listening to me! Can you help?

\- S-sure!- Wendy started to frantically get up.

\- Sorry Stan. It was great to see you, sorry I have to go so suddenly.- She was clearly flustered.

\- It’s fine, really. Go help people, that’s your calling, right?- Stan smiled sheepishly.

\- Thanks Stan. See you later! Enjoy the party!- She ran towards the door, following Nichole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly overwhelmed by the positive reception my fic has got so far! Thank you all so much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :) in the meantime I got an idea for an unrelated Style drabble, so keep your eyes peeled :)


	5. God, you're such a nerd.

And so, Stan was alone, once again. He leaned back and sighed, looking around the room to spot anyone he was remotely interested in talking with. He decided to turn to the only other person on the sofabed, Bebe. She was still lounging in the same pose, still scrolling through her phone, her face basked in a light blue glow. He scooted closer.

\- H… hi Bebe.- Stan tried to hide the nerves he always felt when talking to someone he didn’t know too well.

\- Hi Stan!- Bebe answered, her voice plesant and sweet, her eyes still glued to the screen. 

\- So, um…- His mind went blank. Did he had a question he wanted to ask ready before and forgot, or did he plan to come up with something on the spot? If the latter, he was even dumber than he thought.- What college did you go to?

Great job. 

\- University of California, in San Diego.- She said, with unmistakable pride in her voice.

\- Oh! And uhh… what… do you study?- Stan asked, stress making the tendons under his eyes sting.

\- Marine biology.- Her voice was polite, but it was the same kind of politeness a retail worker might show an annoying customer.

\- Oh wow! That’s, um, interesting!- Stan was honestly suprised and happy.- I actually, um, I go to enviromental studies! That’s kinda similar, right?

\- Right.- Bebe’s tone was perfectly neutral, causing Stan to not being able to get any information from it. He didn’t even know it was possible to say something so simple in such an unclear way.

\- I honestly didn’t expect you to pick something like marine biology!- Stan said enthusiastically, not really thinking clearly due to stress.

Bebe was so shocked, she stopped scrolling through her phone. Without moving her head, only her eyes, she glared at Stan. 

\- What is that supposed to mean?- She growled through clenched teeth.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, that’s not what he ment-

\- I just…- Stan tried to say anything to save the situation, despite his throat feeling like it’s gonna close entirely.- I’d never guess you’re into biology, that’s it! I thought you’re into something else! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it-

\- Stan.- Bebe’s eyes went soft.- It’s fine. I understand. 

Was she just fucking with him? He no longer knew. After a short moment of silence that felt like an eternity, Stan broke it:

\- I… I think I’m gonna get something to drink.

\- Sure thing. Kitchen is over here.- Bebe pointed towards the room Kyle went in before. 

She was giving you a way out of this conversation.

\- Okay, so uhh… see you later…- Stan started to crawl off the sofabed.

\- See ya!- She responded with the same chipper voice she used before, like nothing happened. 

Ugh. He hated conversations like these. He knew that sometimes people just don’t click, but whenever it happened, thay made him feel like he made a fool of himself, despite the fact that the other person probably forgot it happened five seconds after. 

Space. He needed some space. 

Thankfully, Wendy’s kitchen was just that. In comparison to the rest of the house, the room was very well lit, it almost made Stan feel like he went into a hospital. The first thing he noticed was Kyle, leaning over the counter, talking with and laughing with Jimmy. When he noticed Stan walk in, he immidietly looked over towards him and smiled. Stan just had to respond with the same. He went over to a large table smack-dab in the middle of the room, making it seem more cramped than it really was. Wendy and Bebe prepared quite a diverse erray of snacks- chips with dip in huge bowls, some kind of skewers with meat placed neatly on plates, hummus surrounded by a colorful ring of vegetable slices, crispy potatoes… They really thought of every option so that everyone could eat something, no matter their dietary restrictions and tastes. Stan thoughtlessly grabbed a handful of chips. The crunch helped him to mute the sound surrounding him. He kept looking at Kyle and Jimmy, clearly having a fun talk, based on their gestures. He picked up one of the red paper cups, stacked up neatly and decided to pour himself a drink. Instinctively, he reached for a bottle of gin-

„No!”, he heard a voice in his head yell. His hand stopped mid-way, tensing up. He quickly pulled it back, desperatly looking up to see if Kyle saw what happened. It didn’t seem like it, he was still enjoying a chat with Jimmy, giving him his full attention. Stan sighed. He decided to pour himself some coke instead. 

He drinked a few sips, the cool beverage feeling nice on his tight throat. In the corner of his eye, he noticed a wooden door leading to the backyard of Wendy’s house. Intrigued, he went over it and pushed it gently, opening it, making them whine. He saw a patio, made out of dark boards, and a garden that wasn’t mowed in quite some time. Nobody would notice if he left for a moment, right?   
He quietly sneaked throught the door, closing them behind him. He went towards the steps leading to the grass, the boards under his feet creaking with every step. 

This was nice. He left the party behind, the only thing that reminded him that he wasn’t alone in this world was the muffled music coming from the house. He sat down on the steps, taking a deep breath of the fresh, crispy mountain air. He forgot how the breeze in South Park tasted and felt in his throat. In Boulder it was more polluted, causing him to feel like his lungs were heavier and smaller than they really were. The lawn, with long blades of grass, was a great place for all kinds of bugs to live, including the grasshoppers, who were desperatly trying to make themselves heard over the souds of the party. He looked up at the sky, dotted with stars. Were there always so many, and he just never noticed? He put the cup of coke on the porch and lied down across the steps. He suddenly felt the need to just close his eyes and… exist. He exhaled, truing to clense his body from the stress. He could feel the stairs digging into his spine, causing a dull ache. He slid his palm lovingly against the coarse wood, feeling the cracks and splinters. His heels were digging into the moist soil, disturbing it for the first time in forever. The air was nipping his cheeks and nose, but he didn’t mind. His mind was blank, for the first time in forever. It wasn’t the kind of messy static he felt when he was stressed, it was… peaceful. Like everything around, including his body, just transformed into sensations, instead of physical objects. Like he was connected to the world in some deeper, more meaningful way. It might’ve been silly, but he didn’t care. He cherished these rare moments, where he can just exist and feel, not think, not overthink.

His peaceful moment ended after he heard the door cracking open.

\- Dude?

Stan lifted his head out of Instinct, but he recognised the voice immidietly. 

Kyle.

He was standing in the doorframe, holding a paper plate in one hand and something else in the other. He closed the door behind him and walked over to Stan. 

\- What are you doing here? Are you ok?- Kyle asked, looking down at his friend, his voice filled with concern.

\- Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.- Stan pulled himself up.- I just… I guess I needed some space. 

\- Well, I brought you some pizza, if you want…?- Kyle lowered the plate to Stan’s eye level. Two slices of pepperoni pizza looked tasty. And greasy.- I didn’t see you when it got here, and I’m pretty sure that the rabid pack of hungry college students wouldn’t leave anything for later.

\- Thanks.- Stan chuckled.- I’m flattered you care about me so much. 

\- Of course! Always!- Kyle souned almost offended. He sat down next to Stan, placing the plate between them. 

Stan grabbed his slice and started to eat. Delicious, warm and cheesy, just how he liked. He noticed that Kyle isn’t taking his food, instead choosing to fumble with a small box he brought in his other hand. He opened it and pulled a cigarette out.

Kyle smoked? Since when?

He put it between his teeth and picked up a hefty, tin lighter he brought. He pressed the small lever, fire starting with a quiet „click”. He brought it closer to the tip of the cigarette, lighting it up, creating a small pillar of smoke. Stan couldn’t keep himself from staring at Kyle’s slender fingers, their deft movement and quickness. He close the lighter with one agile move and put it to the side. Kyle finally noticed that Stan was staring at him, awestruck, chewing thoughtlessly on his pizza. He picked up the box again, pointing it open-side towards Stan. 

\- N-no thanks, I don’t smoke.- Stan said apologetically.

Kyle shrugged and put the box next to the lighter. 

\- What are you even doing here?- Kyle broke the comfortable silence.

Here? 

\- I… wanted to spend summer with you?- Stan’s voice was higher than he expected it to be.

\- I ment in Wendy’s backyard, dork.- Kyle laughed, smoke coming out of his mouth.

Oh.

\- I dunno… I just wanted to get out I guess… too crowded.- Stan sighed.

\- Oh shit, sorry!- Kyle apologised, embarassed.- I’ll just finish smoking this one and I’ll leave-

\- No!- Stan’s voice more desperate than he wanted.- You can stay. I-if you want, I mean. 

Kyle smiled, the fire from the cigarette making his eyes shine even more. Stan suddenly felt that he needs a drink. He grabbed the cup from behind him and put it up to his lips. For a second he thought that the drink looks a bit like the sky above their heads, the bubbles coming up to the surface reminded him of the stars. They exploded too, right?  
He was about to take a sip, but he felt Kyle’s eyes drilling into him. 

\- What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Kyle knitted his eyebrows.

Stan connected two and two and looked down at his cup.

\- Oh come on! I promised you something, right? I keep my word!- Stan sqawked.

Kyle reached out to him, making a grabbing motion.

Unbelievable. Stan gave him the cup with a sigh. Kyle brought it up to his nose and smelled it.

\- See? Told you!- Stan gloated.

Kyle took out the cigarette from his lips and put the cup to his mouth to take a sip. Then a second. Then a third. Then-

\- Hey!- Stan grabbed Kyle’s arm.- That’s my drink! Theres plenty more in the kitchen! Dude, come on!

Stan could see the tips of Kyle’s mouth lift up in a smile. After a few more gulps, he put the cup behind him.

\- You’re right.- Kyle said with a cocky grin.- You kept your word. And now we’re even.

\- Even?

\- For my tea you drinked before we left.- Kyle winked.

\- You’re still hung up on this?- Stan’s eyes went wide. 

\- It’s a really fucking good tea, okay?- Kyle said, amused.

They fell silent for a moment, Stan laying down on the stairs and Kyle smoking his cigarette, enjoying the quiet.

\- Were there always so many stars in the sky?- Stan asked, staring up at the constellations.

\- Y’don’t see so many back home, eh, city boy? Didn’t think so.- Kyle said with an exaggerated southern accent.

\- No I don’t, cowboy.- Stan chuckled.

\- I never actually thought about it.- Kyle’s voice became serious.- They’re always here, we just can’t see them. It’s subjective how many there are I guess. Depends where you are, but there’s always the same set amount.

\- God, you’re such a nerd.- Stan laughed.

\- Stanley Marsh, we’ve been friends since chilldhood, and only NOW you notice that I’m a nerd? You need to keep up.- Kyle shook his head with mocking dissapointment.

\- I’ll try, I’m sorry I can’t grasp your complex personality fully.- Stan snorted.- Hey, that reminds me, isn’t there like, a science about these star signs people get when they’re born? Astronomy?

\- It’s astrology, dork. You’re lucky Craig isn’t here, he’d beat the shit out of you.- Kyle grinned.

\- Whatever, you’re both nerds.- Stan shrugged, smiling.- What’s your sign?

\- Gemini. 

\- Do you know which one it is?- Stan pointed towards the stars.

\- No, sadly.- Kyle’s voice quiet.

\- And what character traits is Gemini suposed to have?- Stan asked, still staring up.

\- From what I know… Smart, nosy, impulsive-

\- Oh, that totally sounds like one Gemini I know.- Stan smiled, constellations reflecting in his eyes.

\- And you would be… a Libra I think.

\- Oooh, what does that mean?- Stan asked, excited.

\- They fucking looooove balance and harmony.- Kyle rolled his eyes.- I think they’re also indecisive, care about justice, love art, fall in love easily-

\- Hm… I dunno…

\- And overthink all the time.

\- Okay, you got me.- Stan laughed.- How do you know all this?

\- There was a girl in my class who would talk about this stuff everyday. Scorpio rising this, „that’s such a taurus thing” that… It’s hard to not learn at least some of this by osmosis.- Kyle sighed.

\- It seems like you had a pretty good time in college.- Stan noticed, a hint of bitterness in his voice.

\- It was… fine, I guess. The classes were interesting, the people were decent… A perfectly average college experience. 

\- Then why did you leave?

\- Ike got a scholarship in Canada, he won a programming contest. My parents decided he can’t go there alone, that he’s too young, so they went to live with him. They didn’t have enough money to live in Canada with him, keep our house and let me study, so we had to choose.- Kyle’s voice was quiet and whistful.- I wanted Ike to use that opportunity, not every day you win a scholarship in a foreign country. I choose to stop studying.

Stan didn’t know what to answer. He pulled himself up, sitting next to Kyle. His friend didn’t react, staring out into the shilouettes of the mountains. 

\- Kyle, I’m so sorry…- He placed his hand on his shoulder.- I… I didn’t know…

\- It’s fine Stan. You would find out sooner or later, right?- Kyle smiled weakly.- It was my choice. I am sad, but that’s just how life goes sometimes. 

\- You should be proud of yourself. Not everyone would do something like this for their sibling. Ike better be grateful when he comes back.- Stan squeezed Kyle’s shoulder. 

\- He is, believe me.- Kyle smiled, Stan feeling his heart flutter.- Maybe I’ll ask him to build my future house, or ask him to give me his firstborn.

\- What kind of house would you ask him to build?- Stan wanted to change the topic for something more lighthearted.

\- Hmm… I’ve always wanted to have my own office, with a big mahogany desk. And maybe, like, a telescope, to make me look wiser than I really am.- Kyle stared up at the sky.

\- You are wise.- Stan said, voice deadly serious.- Also, I’m an idiot that I didn’t ask earlier, but what did you study?

\- I wanted to be a math teacher.- Kyle smiled.

\- Are you serious? You didn’t go to school enough in your life?!- Stan teased.

\- I did, as a student. It’s so much different when you’re the one giving out grades.- Kyle winked.

\- Sure, just admit that you want to crush children’s dreams.

\- Oh wow, are you sure you want to be a quarterback and not a psychologist?- Kyle snorted.

\- I’m too much of a mess to be anyone’s psychologist.- Stan said, without sadness. He accepted this fact a long ago. 

\- Hey, that might be a benefit. Maybe people would feel better if they knew their therapist is just as messed up as them.

Stan didn’t answer, smile plastered on his face. 

\- Look Stan, I’m… I’m sorry about being so calloused back in the car. I didn’t know you were that worried.- Kyle looked down.

\- Dude, it’s okay. I’ve already forgot about it.- He didn’t, but he wasn’t mad at his friend in the first place. He didn’t want to trouble Kyle with his problems.

Kyle sighed, Stan feeling the shoulder under his hand loosen up.   
~~  
They kept sitting on that porch for quite some time, chatting, teasing and laughing. Their peaceful night was broken when they’ve heard the wooden door open between them. They both turned their heads back at the same time. 

\- Guys? What are you doing here, It’s one a.m!- Wendy exclamed.- You’ve been here the whole time? You must be freezing!   
They’ve been actually using Stan’s jacket as a blanket thrown on both their backs and leaning on eachother’s shoulders, so they didn’t feel the cold that much. Thankfully, Stan’s cheeks were already pink, so Wendy couldn’t see his embarassment. 

\- Sorry, I guess we should’ve asked if we can come here, huh?- Kyle managed to not lose his voice, unlike Stan.

\- No, it’s fine, I just didn’t expect you to be here the whole party!- Wendy rushed to two of her friends, and after they stood up, she started to usher them into the house.

\- Are you guys stupid?! You don’t seem drunk, why were you there for the whole evening?!- Wendy chided, worry in her eyes making Stan ashamed.- You could’ve freezed to death!

\- Wendy, we’re fine.- Kyle tried to calm her down, letting go of his half of Stan’s jacket.- We’re adults, we’re sober, nothing happened.

\- I’m sorry- Wendy sighed.- I think I’m just tired.

Stan noticed the bags under her eyes.

\- It’s fine.- Stan smiled and walked up to her.- We understand.

\- You need some help cleaning?- Kyle asked. Practical as always. 

\- No, thanks, I think me and Bebe got this.- Wendy smiled.- Most guests have already gone home, I guess I can call this party over.

They said their goodbyes to Wendy, thanked her for a party and exchanged current phone numbers, just in case. On their way out, they noticed, now that the light in the living room was on, Clyde, lying on the sofa, bawling for a reason only he knew.

\- He’s fine, just ignore him.- Bebe, who was throwing paper plates and cups into a thrashbag said in a tired voice.

They left the house, leaving their old friends behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for comments, kudos and even one bookmark! I'm flattered :'D  
What kind of a whistful gay fanfiction would it be without a stargazing scene, right?


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